i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
