is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
