I want to have your abortion
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
