Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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