How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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