i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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