Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
