Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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