Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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