So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
