ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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