well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
