smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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