i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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