I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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