Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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