absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I sprained my soul last night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
