A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
