I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
