i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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