did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
