you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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