I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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