i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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