He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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