Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
