The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
