ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
