He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
