I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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