No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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