ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
