Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
