god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
