I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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