he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
