just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
