Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
