She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
