if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i believe in u and ur pee
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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