I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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