I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
