Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
