How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
