Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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