I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
