and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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