yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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