If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
