batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
