I'm so fucking centered right now
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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