moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
