Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
