Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
