This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need a beard to bite.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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