After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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