u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
