is wine microwaveable?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
