I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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