Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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