brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
