He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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