Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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