it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
